What I want to say but can't

2022.01.17 23:23 goodfeelingaboutit What I want to say but can't

I met you two years ago. You were the first foster youth we had in our home. You came here for a few days' respite and begged us to let you stay. You knew your foster parents had requested you be removed from their home. I told you no, we couldn't keep you because we were only licensed to do respite at that time. Which was technically true, but the reality was we knew you needed much more than what we as parents could provide. Which is not your fault. Time and experience and trauma have taught you to behave as you do so you can survive.
I saw you again briefly a few months later. We hugged and you seemed happy to see me again. You did not know at the time, but I did know, that options had run out, and in a few days your case worker would be driving you five hours away to a facility in a major city, far from the rural life you had always known.
Time passed. I tried to keep up on your whereabouts but case workers don't see any point in maintaining relationships between foster parents and kids those parents won't keep, and that's understandable I suppose.
More time passed. By incredible coincidence or by the hand of a higher power, I discovered that our new placement, our foster daughter, was your family. The two of you grew up together but had lost contact over the last several years as you both were taken along different but similar paths of neglect and abuse.
I reached out to your case worker again. I begged her to give you my FD's phone number. A few weeks later you called. You were at a facility but had limited phone privileges. We heard from you sporadically a few times, then nothing.
I reached out to your case worker again.
A couple months later my FD heard from you. You were living in a foster home! Maybe we could plan a visit. But a couple weeks later when my FD tried to call you, the parent said you didn't live there anymore.
We heard nothing for a long time.
Then my FD got a phone call from you! You were living in a foster home again. This time, I did not waste time. I called your foster parent quickly, and thankfully this parent agreed to allow us to meet with you at a public place near their home, almost 3 hours away, in a few days.
We drove out to see you today. I had not seen you in two years. It was much longer for FD. The two of you enjoyed reminiscing about growing up together, and talking about relatives now deceased, or long gone from both your lives.
You asked my FD if she had heard or seen your mother, who hasn't bothered with you in years. She lives near us and we know she is still lost in addiction.
You asked my FD if she had heard or seen from your grandmother, who used to be a big part of your life, but now never calls. FD doesn't hear from her either.
Your mouth smiled but your eyes did not.
Your eyes reminded me of a dog that has spent his life being beaten and kicked.
After two hours it was time to go. You asked if we could come back soon. You asked if we could see you for your upcoming birthday. You asked if my FD could bring her older sibling next time.
We drove home mostly silent.
There is so little I can do. I feel inadequate. I feel guilty for leaving you. So much has happened to break you. I know your mother's absence kills you. My FD has had her share of trauma but she has always known her mother loves her, and it makes all the difference.
The foster parent caring for you seems nice. He offered to meet us halfway next time. He lets you call my FD sometimes. I will keep trying to keep in contact with you but I don't know if it makes any difference. I will try though. I am sorry you have been through all you have been through. You are a great kid, I know you have a good heart and you deserve a million times better than what you have been given.
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2022.01.17 23:23 gab888 I'm building an NFT Gaming Guide Platform

The Story: Like most people, I discovered the Crypto and NFT space around March-May of 2021. And we're always told to "Do your own research". And that's what I did, I read articles, learned how to do Technical Analysis, learned how to read Whitepapers and smart contracts.
But what they don't tell you about "Doing your own research" is that it takes a loooot of time, and brain function. I can not imagine most people doing this right, given that they are not doing this full-time. A lot of people are making bad investments, getting rugpulled, losing money and losing time.
About DDYOR: That's why I had the idea for DDYOR - Don't do your own research. DDYOR is a reliable source of guides, reviews & articles about the latest NFT games, Crypto Projects and tokens.
I built the Landing page over the weekend, you can see more info here: https://ddyor.xyz Join me in my journey and follow me at https://twitter.com/gabrielandrew__
I'd love to know what you guys think :)
submitted by gab888 to NFTDeepValue [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 Kinuhbud I made it to Ashina Castle! This game is so good

Boi wat a game. It made me cry just like Dark Souls did back in 2011. I whined a bit then I done got gud I tell you what. Err… but now I’m a bit stuck. If anyone can tell me a hint about the Surgeons Bloody Letter that would be excellent, but I’ll keep looking. I made it really far into the Senpou temple before getting killed by the blade staff guys.
I’m currently stuck the general with the big spear in the reservoir. I’ve managed to mikiri counter him and gotten close, but he’s kicking my butt. I nearly beat madam butterfly—used ichimonji to destroy her first phase. Still feeling like that was an accomplishment haha
I’m scared to down the well to fight the guy down there.
I got really far up on the rooftops fighting the shinobi, but that second howling one divebombed me to oblivion. The regular ones I can take it pretty handily, but damn.
Fromsoft really made a terrific game here. Int/Dex with stealth is my go to character build in Fromsoft games. Lol so it’s even better with a katana the whole time and a magic arm.
Also, thank you Fromsoft for not killing us for every mis jump and fall. It’s the most surprising thing about the game. Really nice little buffer for all the little platforming bits and sections.
submitted by Kinuhbud to Sekiro [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 Lunathelettuce Father/emotionally drained

Hiii❤️. I want to give a background story about me and like my dad so you could understand a bit more.
I met my dad when I was 6 or 7 and he had a custody battle with my mom and I am now 17 and my birthday is in 9 months. I also don’t talk to my mom bc of something that happened between us. My dad claims he’s changed my diapers and been there for me ect. But he hasn’t. He couldn’t have changed my diapers cus I met him at 6 or 7 but anyways. He always threatens to take me to my moms but never does it or if I volunteer he never wants me to go.
So recently what’s been happening is I’ve became aware of the things he’s done to me. The stuff he does is like he’s so overprotective like disgustingly over protective. I have a camera facing my room, and my room doesn’t have a door. We also have a security system as well. I’ve never like experienced high-school things like I want to because I’m afraid to ask. He gets mad if I don’t cook dinner or if I’m oon the phone with a guy or something like that. To me he acts more like a overprotective boyfriend than a father. I’m scared to ask to go places and things like that cus he just says no. He turns off my wifi and he turned off my phone so I can’t call anyone or anything and like he turns off the wifi for whatever reason. Recently it’s taken a big emotional role on me. Because like I’m so scared of the world now and my anxiety is soooo so so so bad. I just want to leave but I can’t because I have nowhere where I can go.
One thing that’s really emotionally draining to me is I’ve never had a job and I haven’t even started anything with my drivers license like I haven’t gotten my permit or anything and like he says he’s gonna kick me out when I’m 18 which remind you is in 9 months and I’m scared because I have no money and I have nothing and no one to even help me. I’ll still be in schoool around that time too so that’s emotionally draining to me as well. I’m trying really hard to stay strong but I feel behind everyone!!
I had started to have self harm and suicidal thoughts during the summer of 2021 and he’d just make fun of it and like say I won’t do it and like just say I have a weak mind for even thinking like that. I’ve also developed a eating disorder which he also doesn’t believe. So really any kind of help or advice would work right now!
submitted by Lunathelettuce to emotionalabuse [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 steriomike Closer look at fancy mustang logo

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2022.01.17 23:23 Someoney [SHARE] Maria Callas, The Complete Studio Recordings (Remastered) - Bowers & Wilikins Society of Sound - FLAC24

[SHARE] Maria Callas, The Complete Studio Recordings (Remastered) - Bowers & Wilikins Society of Sound - FLAC24 B&W SoS exclusive, goosebumps inclusive.
https://preview.redd.it/fsux73ibwcc81.jpg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5335cc3c6b143b30eaf3cb80165dc003d694d422
aHR0cHM6Ly8xZmljaGllci5jb20vPzJidWo5aTl2cXlmMjZoNml5M3Bk (420MB)
submitted by Someoney to riprequestsnew [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 saxguy2001 Light side playthrough

Hey all, I’m finally playing for the first time. I’ve only ever had Nintendo systems, but I recently got a gaming PC so I could play all the Star Wars games I’ve missed out on.
Anyway, I like being a good person and a shining beacon of light, so I’m trying to be as extreme light side as possible. I’m also a completionist (any other game I get, I HAVE to beat at 100%), meaning I need to complete every side quest. I took dark side points killing Bendek, but that was it for a long time. I’ve completed every side quest that has appeared on Dantooine, Tatooine, and Kashyyyk. Once I got to Manaan, I started the Genoharadan quests and realized that no matter what, I was gonna gain dark side points. Problem is that it hit HARD on the light/dark spectrum because of how much light I’ve already done, and as I do more light it’s having less impact. So my question: with how much I’ve already done, is there enough time left to reach the extreme light side again or did I wait too long to do the Genoharadan stuff? Also, are there any other side quests that are impossible to complete without taking the dark side hit? I’m not at all opposed to just starting over so I can take the dark side hit from side quests sooner and leave more opportunities to recover to the light. Besides, now that I understand the game better, I’d probably distribute stats a little differently anyway. (This is my first rpg, so figuring out what all the stats mean has been rough.)
Don’t worry too much about spoiling stuff for me. I knew enough about the game coming in to know who my character is and I have an idea what happens after the fourth star map.
submitted by saxguy2001 to kotor [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 Baidola Dinosaur Paint NFT - opensea.io/KumplikadoArt

Dinosaur Paint NFT - opensea.io/KumplikadoArt submitted by Baidola to NFTsMarketplace [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 straycatbri Are there any other picky eaters on Keto struggling?

I have done keto a year in total with huge success. I went from 170 to 135 pounds in ~6 months. I gained 10 pounds over the holidays and am trying to get down to 120/125.
Last time I did keto I mainly relied on Atkins products (bars, shakes, so on). Now I learned now bad malitol is and am avoiding it at all cost. Whenever I go on keto I get very obsessive over carbs (like I think everyone does aha). I started keto again pretty much on the new year (I think? maybe the week after?) and have only lost 4 pounds.
I know a big reason for this is because I am simply not eating enough. I have 2 meals a day at most and they are very small. Nearly everyday I'll have 6 of those little frozen meatballs for lunch and either 2 burgers for dinner, chicken or something whacky. I am rather young and I know my calorie intake needs to be upped. I'm not eating any snacks (at most 1-2 cheesesticks)
I remember last time I was on keto I started eating a little bit more and my weight dropped almost immediately. BUT my problem right now is I can't find anything that I want to eat to up my intake. Last time I ate more I was eating those like low carb wraps, Atkins snacks, etc. Now I REFUSE to touch anything in fear that they might be sneaking real flour or some really bad product into them. I physically cannot go and eat more even though I know it will benefit me. I am a very picky person, even before keto I would be eating burger subs most of my time (combined with a lot of potatoes), I was big on my cultural foods too like pierogi and assorted soups I cannot eat now :(( However I am going to go pick up some kiełbasa from the deli and that will be a nice treat and maybe help me a bit;)
I only really like beef. The chicken texture grosses me out even though I used to eat it a ton (what if I undercook it? those little blood things that appear in the middle of the chicken makes me stop eating). Those meatballs gross me out too but I just suck it up and eat them as I've done for months. Put enough cheese on it and I'll eat anything ahaha. I have wanted to eat more deli meats like turkey and chicken as I've been craving those like crazy, but my dad said they are way too high in sodium and I should stay away (the price doesn't help either). But I've heard that your sodium should be increased on Keto??
Is anyone in the same boat as me? I cannot find something that I genuinely enjoy (well except burgers but I know I really should not be eating it as much as I do. I have crazy high cholesterol and been told I should eat more lean shit). I can't trust those keto products.. any of them. But I NEED to up my calorie intake and it's driving me insane. Does anyone have any tips or suggestions? Or maybe some reassurance not ALL keto products are bad :P
submitted by straycatbri to keto [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 Ashamed_Trick_3335 Mega Aerodactyl 6384 8910 7048

submitted by Ashamed_Trick_3335 to PokemonGoRaids [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 Mobbtel Too many W’s, 3.8 GPA, 60hr work weeks, providing for myself

Hi, long story short, ok? Haha, no.
TLDR; Black trans guy who loves bikes and fixing them up, but works 50-60hr weeks for survival. If I do not work, I am homeless with no family or therapy support. No time for ECs. 3.8 GPA. Cognitive sci Major. California Community College student
I’m a low income, POC student who is trans. Been providing for myself (food, transportation, high school extracurriculars, medical). I include the trans part because it’s freaking hard to find good, compassionate care for trans people; some are adjusting more than others.
Anyway, I work 40-60hr weeks and am 20yrs old. Cannot even get a promotion due to my age despite shift leads usually asking me to do the managerial work. I work retail. I work several departments of the store to provide for my education (Rx, cashier, photo). Hard shit especially since I’m voluntarily going through a “second puberty” in the trial and error of relieving sex and gender dysphoria. It’s been successful in terms of gender dysphoria - I am gendered and referred to how I am on auto. Most of the battle is inside now, which I am okay with. It’s led me into philosophy and cognitive science to fight that battle.
I have 3.84 Cumulative and work my ass off for it, but I’ve had to withdraw classes due to adjusting to my hormones and also work. I’ve withdrew because I wanted to save my GPA from tanking due to classes I knew couldn’t finish without an A. This was when my work hours went from 40-60hr. My store manager was fired for misconduct, so I had to make up for the loss labor along with my one and only competent coworker. I really could not handle 50hr weeks, then 46, then 62, then 40, 40, 40 with 4 classes.
I don’t feel I have nice of ECs because of COVID and my situation at home. My situation at home being that if I am not working full-time and I am unable to stay there. My parents do not support my testosterone usage and its cosmetic changes unless I am financing medical expenses, food, and transportation. Will be kicked out nonetheless. I have couch hopped because of this before, often at my girlfriend’s.
Having to be away from home got me into fixed gear bikes and supporting/collaborating with my local bike businesses. Also because fixed gear bikes force you to use your legs as the engine and brake. Great way to put my testosterone to use. Your legs never stop moving and if you want to stop, you best have the leg weight to press back on how much you’ve been pushing. No brakes, btw ;)
Bikes and work are the only ECs that are really me. I am sending apps in Fall 2022/Spring 2023, should I try doing research under a professor when I can? I have some short ECs such as an internship teaching math at Freedom schools, primarily for African American kids living in Section 8 housing and being a youth aide for a county-based landscaping program.
Since I have three semesters for grades, I can maybe bump to 3.9, but even I do not know. My essays despite my struggles will demonstrate positive growth rather than the negative implications it left me.
What do you think? Be honest. Tops are UCB, UCLA, USC. Big dreams are Stanford, Cornell, Carnegie, Brown. Middle kingdom is UCD, Sacramento State, and San Diego State. My college list is not fixed (unlike my bike) so it can change with some recommendations.
submitted by Mobbtel to TransferToTop25 [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 crispychickinwing Some stones I've had for years and forgot what they are. Any help is appreciated. I numbered them to help.

Some stones I've had for years and forgot what they are. Any help is appreciated. I numbered them to help. submitted by crispychickinwing to whatsthisrock [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 spc1221 Lego Villa Savoye - 21014 It's a quick build. Not overly complicated, but interesting and fun.

Lego Villa Savoye - 21014 It's a quick build. Not overly complicated, but interesting and fun. submitted by spc1221 to LegoArchitecture [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 Azro-5 Somewhere in Hong Kong, China. I think.

Somewhere in Hong Kong, China. I think. submitted by Azro-5 to UrbanHell [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 markletonpjones Rubbing, Scratching, and Crinkling Snow Pants ASMR (No Speaking) Velcro, Zipping, and Cloth Sounds [intentional]

Rubbing, Scratching, and Crinkling Snow Pants ASMR (No Speaking) Velcro, Zipping, and Cloth Sounds [intentional] submitted by markletonpjones to asmr [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 fldre what yall think sematarys search history looks like??

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2022.01.17 23:23 dreck_disp Front door of Wawa in West Chester, PA

Front door of Wawa in West Chester, PA submitted by dreck_disp to gratefuldead [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 Abdulcrypto784 ہم کہاں کے دانا تھے کس ہنر میں یکتا تھے بے سبب ہوا غالبؔ دشمن آسماں اپنا

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2022.01.17 23:23 yardvark17 Update & help request! Did a 30% water change, her eyes seem bulgier tho :/

Update & help request! Did a 30% water change, her eyes seem bulgier tho :/ submitted by yardvark17 to Aquariums [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 kalimba-chan Haggstrom - C418 (Minecraft) Easy Tabs | Kalimba Cover

Haggstrom - C418 (Minecraft) Easy Tabs | Kalimba Cover submitted by kalimba-chan to kalimba [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 Ak_Rains any tips for my hive?

any tips for my hive? submitted by Ak_Rains to BeeSwarmSimulator [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 Cooper0215 Looking for chem 1220 tutor

I reached out to a tutor that was mentioned on here earlier but it seems like he is pretty booked for the semester and I am in desperate need of a tutor for that class. Does anyone know any other tutors for 1220?
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2022.01.17 23:23 sunshinesina143 I 💖 compliments😊

I 💖 compliments😊 submitted by sunshinesina143 to raimimemes [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 AdministrativeNews93 Adorable Little Puppy Sleeps On Her Back And People Just Can't Get Enough Of The Pics

Adorable Little Puppy Sleeps On Her Back And People Just Can't Get Enough Of The Pics submitted by AdministrativeNews93 to cute [link] [comments]


2022.01.17 23:23 xjmachado Not sure if bagged wagons are appreciated here

Not sure if bagged wagons are appreciated here submitted by xjmachado to savethewagons [link] [comments]


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